Lasher Jokes

Dingle Jokes -- Lasher Jokes (1) -- Lasher Jokes (2) -- Lasher Jokes (3)

Why did the lasher put ice in his condom?
To keep the swelling down!

Why did the lasher go to the luggage shop and ask for 7 overnight bags?
Because he was going away for a week!

What’s the difference between lashers and yoghurt?
Yoghurt has culture!

Why don’t lashers ever mind their own business?
No mind!

Why did the lasher pour beer into his waterbed?
Because he wanted a foam mattress!

What do lashers and decaffeinated coffee have in common?
They both have no active ingredients!

Why are lashers like laxatives?
Because they both irritate the shit out of you!

Why did the lasher buy a new car?
Because he couldn’t keep up the payments on the old one!

Did you hear about the lasher who walked into a shop selling telephones?
He bought a cordless phone for every room of his house!

What did the lasher say when he found his naked wife gyrating up and down in bed with her lover?
What are you pair doing??

What’s the difference between a lasher and a yeti?
One is covered with matted hair and stinks, and the other one lives on the top of a mountain!

Why are lashers like ghosts?
They really have to be seen to be believed!

What does a lasher say before he picks his nose?
Grace!

Why are lashers very modest?
Because they really have a lot to be modest about!

Why are lashers always happy?
Because ignorance is bliss!

Why do lashers write ‘T.G.I.F’ on their shoes?
To remind them toes go in first!

How can you recognise a lasher’s helicopter?
It has an ejector seat!

What’s the 1st prize in the Blackpool FC Supporter’s Club lottery?
£10 a year for a million years!

Why do lashers always act stupid?
Who says they’re acting!

Did you hear about the lasher who thought that the cook at McDonalds’s was called Big Ma

How do you plant dope?
You can start by burying a lasher!

How can you tell if a female lasher has been in your fridge?
There’s lipstick on your cucumbers!

What happens when a lasher gets Alzheimer’s disease?
His IQ increases!

Why do lashers like lightening?
They think they’re having their picture taken!

Why do lashers wear earmuffs?
To cut down the draught!

How many lashers does it take to make a circuit?
Just two – one to stand in the bathtub, and one to pass the hair dryer!

How can you tell if a lasher’s been using your computer?
There’s Tip-Ex on your screen!

What does a lasher and a bottle of beer have in common?
Both are empty from the neck up!

What’s the great thing about lasher dwarfs?
They’re only half as ugly!

What’s the thinnest book in the world?
The ‘Who’s, Who, Of Intelligent Lashers'!

What has 8 arms and an IQ of 50?
Four lashers watching the match!

Why is it dangerous to let a lasher’s mind wander?
It’s too little to be let out on it’s own!

How do you circumcise a lasher?
Kick his sister in the jaw!

Did you hear about the lasher who was so stupid he thought that Shirley Temple was a place of worship?

A lasher (like most) was out of work so he went around from house to house asking if there were any jobs to be done. One fellow felt sorry for him, so he gave him a pot of yellow paint and a brush and told him to paint his porch yellow from top to bottom. About an hour later the lasher, dripping in paint, came round for his money and said, "the job is finished, oh, and by the way that’s not a Porsche, it’s a Mercedes!"

This lasher goes to the optician’s. The optician says to him, "right Mr Olafsenn, would you read the letters on this card please?"
The lasher squinted at him and said, "would you mind reading it to me, because my eyesight isn’t very good!"

Did you here about the lasher who shot an arrow into the air?
He missed!

What did the lasher say when someone blew in his ear?
Thanks for the refill!

What do UFO’s and Preston based lashers have in common?
You keep hearing about them, but never see any!

How do you keep a lasher busy for days?
Put him in a round room and tell him to go and sit in the corner!

A man is visiting his lasher cousin’s farm and the farmer shows him the chicken sheds, the pig pens, the paddocks and so on.
Finally he points to a tree about 30 feet away and tells him:
"Under that tree is where I first had sex."
Then the farmer points to another tree and says: "…and that’s where her mother stood and watched us."
The guy gasps and asks the lasher farmer, "what did her mother say?"
The farmer grins, and replies "baaa."

A lasher was walking down the main street in Bergen, carrying a brown paper bag.
He ran into one of his lasher friends, who asked, "hey! What do you have in the bag?"
The man told his friend that he had some fish in the bag.
His friend said, "well, I’ll make you a bet. If I can guess how many fish you have in the bag, you’ll have to give me one."
The 1st lasher says, "I’ll tell you what. If you can tell me how many fish I have in this bag, I’ll give you both of them!"

Did you here about the lasher whom passed away and
left his entire estate in trust for his widow?
She can’t touch it till she’s 16!

Where do most lashers meet their future wives?
At family get togethers!

A lasher girl and her normal boyfriend were sharing a bath.
The girl said to her boyfriend… "Is it really true that if you pull your finger out, I’ll sink?"

Did you hear about the lasher who was up in court for having sex with a donkey?
He got 4 years for incest!

Why don’t lashers sunbathe in their gardens?
Because cats keep try to bury them!

What do you say to a lasher wearing a three-piece suit?
Will the defendant please rise!

What’s the difference between a skunk run over on the road
and a lasher run over on the road?
You’ll see skid marks in front of the skunk!

How many lashers does it take to eat a rabbit?
Three: one to do the eating and two to watch for cars!

Why did the lasher climb onto the pub roof?
Because he heard that the drinks were on the house!

Why do all female lashers take the pill?
So that they know what day of the week it is!

What did the lasher say when he knocked over
1000 year old Ming vase at the museum?
"It’s a good job it wasn’t a new one!"

Why did the lasher bring the ‘foil wrapped’ loaf of bread back to the supermarket?
Because it said it lasts for 7 days on the packet, and he’d eaten his in two!

What do you call a lasher with some intelligence?
A mutant!

What do you call a fly buzzing around inside a lashers head?
A space invader!

How do you change a lasher’s mind?
Blow in his ear!

The groom lay in bed on the 1st night of their honeymoon,
whilst his lasher wife stood at the bedroom window, gazing at the stars. "Come to bed, darling," he whispered seductively after some time had passed. "Not likely," replied the lasher bride, "my mother told me that this would be the best night of my life, and I’m not going to miss a minute of it!

If a lasher is going to Majorca on a plane, how can you steal his window seat?
Tell him that the seats that are going to Majorca are the ones in the middle row!

Did you hear about the lasher who waited up all night to see where the sun went?
It finally dawned on him!

What does a lasher say when you ask him whether his car indicator is working or not?
"Yes it is. No it isn’t. Yes it is. No it isn’t."

Two lasher’s (Kenny and Katy) had just got married and were driving to Blackpool for their honeymoon. Along the way Kenny, who was at the wheel, reached over and stroked Katy’s knee. Katy smiled, and blushed, and said, "we’re married now love, you can go further if you want."
So they drove to Edinburgh instead!

A lasher ordered a pizza and the guy behind the counter asked if he should cut it into 6 slices or 8. "Oh 6 please," said the lasher, "I could never manage 8 slices!"

How do you make a lashers eyes light up?
Shine a torch into his ear!