Dingle Jokes

Dingle Jokes -- Lasher Jokes (1) -- Lasher Jokes (2) -- Lasher Jokes (3)

Did you hear about the dingle who thought he was a half-breed?
His father was a man and his mother was a woman!

What do you call a dingle who’s just dressed himself?
An over-achiever!

How do we know Adam was a dingle?
Would a normal man eat an apple when a naked woman was discussing temptation?

How do we also know that Adam was a dingle?
He asked Eve if she was cheating on him!

Why did the dingle throw away the toilet brush?
He discovered toilet paper!

What’s a dingle’s idea of a varied diet?
A quarter-pounder with cheese one day, and without cheese the next!

Why don’t dingle’s dogs do tricks?
You have to be more intelligent than a dog to teach it tricks!

Why did the dingle buy an electric lawnmower instead of petrol one?
So that he could find his way back to the house when he’d finished cutting the grass!

What’s the difference between a dingle and a shopping trolley?
A shopping trolley has a mind of it’s own!

Why did the dingle get a ‘stabbing’ pain in his eye every time he drank a cup of tea?
He forgot to take the spoon out!

What’s a dingle’s idea of safe sex?

What is a dingle’s view of safe sex?
A padded headboard!

Why do dingles only ever get half-hour lunch-breaks?
Because it takes too long to retrain them!

How does a dingle make himself more interesting?
He leaves town!

How did the dingle’s wife stop him from biting his nails?
She made him wear shoes!

What is generally the best birth control for a dingle?
His face!

Why did the dingle put his penis in boiling water?
His wife told him to get sterilised!

Why was the dingle so pleased with himself after drinking a whole carton of fresh orange juice in 30 seconds flat?
Because it said ‘drink in 5 days of opening’ on it!

What do you call 10 dingles standing in a circle?
A dope ring!

Did you hear about the dingle that thought that intercourse was a racetrack?!

Did you hear about the queer dingle who thought that ‘Lord of the Rings’ was a gay movie?!

Why couldn’t the dingle get his new computer to work?
Because after he plugged it in, ‘Press any key to start’ appeared on the screen…and he could find the ‘any’ key!

Why didn’t the dingle get any ‘lovely’ pictures of his holiday?
Because he took them all on a disposable camera… and threw it away when he left the resort!

Why did the dingle put viagra in his eyes?
Because he thought it would make him look hard!

How can a woman get a dingle man to marry her?
Tell him he’s pregnant!

Why do dingles have arrows on their shoes?
So they know the correct direction to move forwards!

What is the advantage of having a dingle passenger in the car with you?
You can park in the handicapped zone!

How do you confuse a dingle?
Oh you don’t. They’re born that way

How do you get a dingle to pay £50 for 4 cans of Breaker and a hot-dog?
Tell him it’s a 5-course meal!

Where do you have to go to find a dingle who’s truly committed?
The mental hospital!

Why do dingle women have bruises around their navels?
Dingle men!

What’s the difference between savings bonds and dingles?
It may take a good few years, but eventually bonds will mature!

What’s the difference between a dingle and a public loo?
The loo isn’t always vacant and full of crap!

What do you call a woman who married a dingle, who no longer has an arsehole?

Why is a penis like a dingle?
Because it has a head with no brain!

What do you instantly know about a well-dressed dingle?
Somebody else must have dressed him!

This dingle left the pub early, hoping to get home early enough not to get into trouble with his wife. When he got home, he discovered that his wife was in bed with his boss.
Back at the pub later, he was telling the landlord the story. "That’s dreadful," sympathised the landlord. "What did you do?"
"Well" said the dingle, "I crept back out again and got back here as fast as I could. They were just getting started, so I reckon I’ve got time for a couple of extra beers!"

Why do dingles like intelligent women?
Opposites attract!

Why don’t dingles ever have mid-life crises?
Because they’re all stuck in perpetual childhood!

How did the dingle parachutist know he had problems?
When his snorkel wouldn’t open!

What did the dingle nurse say when the doctor asked her if she had taken the patient’s temperature?
Why, is it missing?

Why is psychotherapy so much quicker for dingles than for normal people?
When it's time to take a dingle back to his childhood…he’s already there!